Coping With Grief
by YumeChan666
Summary: A collection of one-shots that are told by Derek. A look into his mind and soul, the changes he goes through after the shocking event... The stories are WAY better than the summary! R&R please


**Disclaimer: You know this show "Life with Derek"? Yeah, well, I don****'****t own it!**

**A/N: I know a lot of people wrote things like that before, but this idea came to me in the middle of the night and I just had to let it out. So here it is…**

"If only"

"If only I opened the door on time…", I thought again, probably the millionth time.

Today's really sunny. A warm, spring morning. Not like it's been a year ago. I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was raining and the air was stuffy. Today it's crystal clear and the light breeze makes it even harder to stay calm. A year ago I was standing at the same place, in this green yard, looking at the same point I'm looking at right now.

--

A year ago, I was just coming out of the kitchen when I saw Casey slam the front door shut and run up the stairs to her room. I could see she was crying, but she often did and I didn't worry about her. I went back to my couch and kept watching the bike race.

After half an hour it was over and I went upstairs. When I got to the hallway I heard Casey's sobs come out of the bathroom. I came closer and started to open the door.

"Casey, are you okay?", I asked her.

"Derek, don't you dare to open that door!", she said and shut it from the inside. I shrugged and went to my room.

After an hour or so, Casey was still in the bathroom. The whole family was downstairs watching some show. I got out of my room and went to the bathroom door. There was no noise coming from there, and I called her quietly. No answer. I tried to open the door, but it was still locked. I felt fear raise up to my chest, and my heartbeat started to speed up.

"Casey!!", I shouted. Still, there was no answer. I started to knock fiercely on the door, tears of despair forming in my eyes.

I decided to break the door. It took me 5 minutes and a bleeding shoulder to finally get in.

"Casey, what the hell's wro…", I stopped in mid-sentence, because the scene I witnessed was too shocking. Her eyes had no spark. Her beautiful hair surrounded her face, floating in the water. The water wasn't clear. It was red. Red with her blood. She lied there, dead, the knife still in her hand. I couldn't move. I just stood there and felt tears run down my face. When I finally caught my breath, I moved forward and touched her cheek. It was cold. Her spirit left her body and she just lied there, emotionless.

Still shocked, I picked her up and carried her to her. Her blood covered my shirt but I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that Casey was dead. She died in despair and loneliness.

Her hair still smelled of roses, her favorite shampoo scent.

I put her down gently on the crisp covers of her bed. They were blue, but soon turned purple from her blood. Still unable to think clearly I got downstairs to the living room, and stood in front of the whole family.

"Derek, what is it?" Nora asked me. Everyone was looking at me with confusion on their faces.

"It's… Casey", was all I could make myself say. I then stumbled my way back upstairs and into her room.

I sat on the floor next to her and held her cold hand. I brushed my lips over her soft skin and kept holding her hand even when the whole family came in and I heard screams and tears and… but all I could really hear was the scilence that used to be filled by Casey's voice…

And now, a year after, I stand here, in front of her grave, the only thing that's left of her.

"_Casey MacDonald, 1990-2007. Daughter, sister and friend"._ Those words are so empty, they don't describe anything!

"Derek, it's time to go back", a woman in a white suit told me and went back to her car.

Get back. Back to the prison George and Nora got me to. The official name is "The school for traumatized children", but that's not really what it is. They keep us locked there and give us tranquilizers. They think they help, but they don't.

I glance at her grave for the last time and put the flowers I was holding on her gravestone. Forget me nots. As beautiful as her eyes. I kiss my fingertips and touch the stone with them. So cold…

I glance up to the sky. So clear… She'll never enjoy it again, she'll never know that…

"Derek!", the woman called me again.

I turned back and started walking to the car… "If only I could help. If only I could…".

I turn around and run back to her grave. My sight is blurred by my tears. I hear the woman call my name, but I don't care. I have to let her know.

I get down on my knees and place my cheek on the gravestone, tears rolling down my face.

"If only I opened the door on time", I whisper, "If only I could help. If only you knew the truth… If only I could die instead of you. But don't worry, my time will come soon and we'll meet again. And maybe then I'll tell you that I'm sorry, and I'll tell you everything I didn't say to you when you were here… I love you, Casey."

The woman came and grabbed me. I didn't fight. I just knew that cooperating will bring me closer to Casey, closer to seeing her again.

"I love you, Casey!!", I screamed in despair.

_Don__'__t worry, Casey…_

_We__'__ll be together soon…_

_If only you knew…_


End file.
